What happened in the world today?

Beginning of Confusion - Will it ever end?

To start off the day, at around 1:00 am in the morning I had a muse, a spark of genius. With my life I've been very quick to jump into any and everything. I was born a dreamer, and probably will die one. Thoughts rushed into my head, but mainly the thing on my mind was my personal life, which is a twisty vine of thorns and uncertainty. It had been a day since I left a message on her facebook wall, and I'd known for sure she'd read it. It was asking her to hang out this week, which was one of the last week we'd be able to hang out with for well... months. We hadn't even hung out much before.. only 2 lunches, dinner, and a night of sports/movies, but I knew there was something I like about her... with her I could have fun and be free, and I've even smiled around her, which is a rare occasion for me. Before the lunch, we hadn't so much as said a word to each other although we were in the same bible study. Anyway, pessimistic thoughts were flowing through my mind like snowflakes falling in a blizzard. Why wasn't she responding? Does she like me at all? Did I say this wrong? What if she liked another guy? Should I call her instead? Am I just an annoyance? A nuisance making her life more diffcult? With all these thoughts running through my mind, it's safe to say at this point I had quite the head ache. At this point, anything would make me feel better, so what better than voi-la my prescribed ambien. As normal, I take this about this time in order to fall asleep into a fantasy, rather than face cold harsh reality, well that and i'm a diagnosed insomniac. However, I didn't fall asleep until much later that night. Sometime during my rambling I began to feel amazing, stress free, a feeling only God could've blessed me with. It was at this moment I realized that God was in total control of this part of my life. It was a soothing feeling that had now entered my mind, and although it was quite obvious the effects of my ambien had nulled I simply laid down my head and fell asleep.

As the Actual Day Procedes...

I woke up around 11:58 a.m. , and the house was empty my family had gone to visit my extended family in Cave City. As for me, it was time to pack up head back to the dorm, and look foward to constant hours of studying for my upcoming tests. As I drove off, my mind felt like it was zombified due to the fact there was no stress, worry, or concern with all I had been through in my life. I was in an inner peace. Turmoil didn't exist in my mind. As I neared the University, I thought I'd give it another try, and attempt to call her, that is after I made my 2 pouches of Easy-Mac, which is all I ate today. I wouldn't consider myself anoerxic i'm fine with my body weight actually, but I'm just simply not hungry at anytime. I crawled up onto my top bunk crawl under my electric blanket with my cell phone in hand, my psychology book, as well as my biology book. I took action instantly, as soon as I tucked myself securely under the blanket I grabbed my phone, and scrolled down to her name. At this point I hit the dial button, and it was too late to go back. *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* went the phone, then the answering machine picked up. I was discouraged to say in the least, but decided to leave a message. It probably consists of something along the lines of "Hey this is Brandon I was just wondering if you'd want to hang out between your studying sometime today I could teach you how to throw (lacrosse), or we could meditate, which I just learned from psychology. " After this I found some reason to pick up my psychology book, and try to discover more about myself while studying for the next exam. The chapter was on Stress and Coping, and went pretty in-depth I realized that I normally choose the escape-avoidant path, which can actually cause more stress in the long run. After 2 hours of reading through wordy pages in my psychology textbook, I decided I'd take a break and read about Reproduction in my Biology book, which was ALOTTTAA FUNNNN due to the fact my bio teacher was one of the biggest perverts around. In this book, I get about two chapters in and realize that none of this information is being picked up by my brain, therefore I quit studying Biology for a short time. I checked my phone, which had been sitting in front of me on vibrate, and had a missed called from the girl. At this point I feel like a jerk, I can't help but think about what would've happened if we had talked then. I needed something to get my mind off her, so I quickly jumped into Need for Speed Most Wanted! It was around 4:50 p.m., or so and I had time to waste. After two hours of speedtraps, sprints, circuits, and lap knockouts in my Toyota Supra I decided I should at least try to call back, and leave a message apologizing and explaining why I missed her call, so I did so. About 5 minutes later, I got the call I had been waiting for all day. We talked about how our breaks had been, and I mentioned that I wanted to hang out sometime this week, and she says that Friday night would work. After she said that I would have normally said my good byes, and called her back later, but we talked about random things, such as our cousins, card games, what was going on with our families, to religion and faith, which I loved about our friendship, and over the course of the time her service got dropped, but was shortly returned by a call back. It was an awesome feeling getting that returned call, it felt simply amazing. By the time she arrived on campus, she told me she had to go study, so I let her go, but not without mentioning good luck on the mountain of tests she had this week. I've had such an amazing feeling since, but it's mixed with confusion. You see Christmas break is only 2 weeks away, and following that next semester she is going to coop out of town. At this point, I want to make Friday a spectacular time, but all I can come up with thus far is a trip to the zoo. Besides, I want to spend time with her to make up all that will be lost next semester, but it's too soon to get too serious, and I realize this. I really love and cherish our friendship to an extent I've never seen before. This girl actually makes me.... happy. Now I am sit here writing this at 2:27 a.m. hoping someone who went through a similiar situation may run into this blog, and offer advice. As for friday, any suggestions on what would be fun and memorable?

Brandon

11/25/07

An Introduction to who I am.



Things I am...



Devout Christian - not perfect, but striving for perfection.

College Freshman

Psychology Major

One whom loves his family dearly

Extremely naive when it comes to love

Someone who will always be there for his friends

Survivor of a Severe depression

A man unafraid to express his emotions

Product of 90's music, which includes Aerosmith, The Goo Goo Dolls,etc.

Enjoys a good game of frisbee.

Confused with my life, otherwise why would I create this?